Respect as a Core Value: Understanding Disrespect through Six Core Attributes

I wrote a brief article about Respect as a Core Value earlier this year, exploring simple connections to six attributes through a single dimension of external versus internal authority as a means for understanding Respect. The article aimed to reflect on how personal understanding of respect can influence behaviors and I stand by its content.

However, in this article, I delve deeper into describing Respect as a Core Value through two overlapping dimensions: Source of Authority and Source of Self-Worth. These dimensions combine to form four quadrants that map lenses people may adopt in different contexts. I then compare these four quadrants to six core virtues and their relative vices to reveal how a quadrant-lens can shape our behaviors, sensitivities, and risks of vice across situations.

The deeper point of this quadrant model (and any other Core Values quadrant model) is not to claim that individuals live permanently in one quadrant. Instead, it provides a map of orientations that people may default to, shift between, or consciously choose depending on factors such as the relationship in question, the setting (formal vs. informal, public vs. private), the stakes (high-pressure vs. low-pressure situations), and any relevant cultural expectations (though I will need to explain how these factors are involved for another article on distinct elements of culture).

What this means is that a person, in a given context, who tends to prioritize a particular quadrant, will likely experience a sense of respect (and disrespect) in the face of others' behaviors. However, this does not mean that the quadrant defines their personality. Quite the opposite. It’s about how, in that moment, a person will view respect through that lens, shaped by the situation. Yes, the situation itself, not just the person, will have a significant influence on how that person acts and perceives others' actions as respectful or not.

The key question to ask is: Am I choosing this lens intentionally, or am I reacting out of habit shaped by the context of the situation, and is this the most constructive lens for fostering clarity about the behaviors in both myself and others?

Let’s explore the two dimensions of Respect as a Core Value and compare them to six core virtues and their relative vices to help us reflect intentionally on how interpreting and practicing different quadrant-lenses of respect can strengthen our decision-making, foster healthier relationships, and guide us toward balanced, purpose-driven action.

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Two Dynamic Dimensions of Respect

To understand why respect means different things to different people, we can look at two defining dimensions that guide how respect is given, received, and interpreted.

Source of Authority

This dimension describes what people see as the basis for respect:

• Recognition of Position → Respect is tied to formal roles, titles, or societal structures.

• Recognition of Worth → Respect is tied to personal merit, character, or contribution.

Source of Self-Worth

This dimension describes where people derive their sense of personal value:

• External Authority → Self-worth comes from external validation — praise, approval, or recognition by others.

• Self-Authority → Self-worth comes from internal confidence — alignment with personal principles or values.

When combined, these dimensions create four distinct quadrants that represent different ways people define and experience respect (and what they may consider disrespectful).

The Four Quadrants of Respect

Quadrant	What Respect Means	What Feels Disrespectful	Contexts That Often Evoke This Lens
Honor-bound Conformist (Recognition of Position + External Authority)	Respect is deference to roles, titles, and external approval.	Failing to acknowledge a formal title or role (e.g., addressing a principal informally at an assembly); ignoring protocol; withholding praise from authority figures.	Ceremonies, formal assemblies, hierarchical meetings.
Merit-seeking Contributor (Recognition of Worth + External Authority)	Respect is admiration for genuine merit, validated by others’ recognition.	Overlooking or failing to praise good work (e.g., not thanking a teacher publicly for extra efforts); failing to recognize contributions.	Performance reviews, awards ceremonies, team presentations.
Principled Traditionalist (Recognition of Position + Self-Authority)	Respect is honoring roles/titles out of personal principle, regardless of external validation.	Mocking or undermining official roles or traditions (e.g., disrupting a staff meeting’s structured process); ignoring structure.	Community meetings, faith groups, structured committees.
Authenticity Steward (Recognition of Worth + Self-Authority)	Respect is authentic regard for individual worth, independent of role or external praise.	Empty deference to titles without regard for merit (e.g., praising a leader who acts unjustly); dismissing genuine acts of integrity.	Peer collaborations, mentoring conversations, creative workshops.

A "Default" Quadrant Orientation?

What's important to note about these quadrants is how, over time, people tend to seek environments that affirm what becomes something of a "default" orientation, avoiding situations that create dissonance in that orientation preference.

For example, a person who thinks their default is the Authenticity Steward quadrant may gravitate toward informal, collaborative, student-centered schools or workplaces and avoid highly hierarchical, protocol-driven environments where they feel pressured to offer respect that doesn’t align with personal authenticity. Likewise, a person who might similarly think their default is the Honor-bound Conformist quadrant may feel most at home in structured, tradition-rich, clearly hierarchical organizations and feel uneasy in settings that downplay formally-assigned roles, status, or formal recognition.

Ultimately, our default orientation toward respect is shaped as much by a lifetime of experiences, our upbringing, our culture, and the environments we seek out as a result, as by any neurobiological personality factors. Recognizing this helps us see that it’s not just how we act in situations that challenge our sense of respect (or may seem disrespectful to our default quadrant-lens) that matters, but also how deeply unsettled we become in those moments of conflict or contradiction. Often, it is this discomfort that leads us to behave in ways that reflect an imbalance of virtue, reacting in ways we might not tolerate from others regarding our own orientations. This awareness invites us to reflect not only on our actions but on the roots of our sensitivities, helping us extend grace through understanding to ourselves and others.

Quick Note: Golden & Platinum Rules

A common conversation about this Core Value of Respect is rooted in the "Golden Rule" and which I like to strengthen with the "Platinum Rule":

The Golden Rule: treat others the way you wish to be treated.

The Platinum Rule: treat others the way they wish to be treated.

Balancing both of these rules requires that we recognize and value our boundaries as individuals, knowing how we wish to be treated and exercise the courage and temperance to defend those boundaries, as well as recognize and value others' boundaries and wishes for how they want to be treated, exercising the friendliness and magnanimity to mind those boundaries which may be different than our own.

It is in this balance of the Golden and Platinum rules that we may find the motivation to explore how a person's default quadrant may involve expressions of behaviors that align with six core virtues and their relative vices. When people find themselves surprised by settings or relationships that clash with their default quadrant orientation, they may experience friction or "moral fatigue" that can result in behaviors that do not align with their desired balance of the following six core virtues.

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How Respect Influences Six Core Virtues (and Vices)

Respect as a Core Value profoundly shapes how six virtues are expressed and how those virtues can drift into vice if our quadrant-lens becomes strained. Each quadrant carries distinct sensitivities and patterns that reflect these risks and can be expressed in behaviors others may find disrespectful from their own quadrant-lens perspective.

Virtue	Honor-bound Conformist	Merit-seeking Contributor	Principled Traditionalist	Authenticity Steward
Courage	Loyal to duty in defense of rightful authority. Excess: Obedient to a fault. May call out or shame perceived disrespect for violating protocol. Deficit: Fears speaking against authority. Remains silent when authority acts unfairly and may submit to authority even if disrespected to avoid rocking the boat.	Bravely seeks recognition for merit. Excess: Over-eager for validation. May publicly assert their achievements or value to regain respect, possibly overshadowing others. Deficit: Hesitates if no praise is assured. Shrinks back, stops participating, or seeks to avoid notice if their contributions are dismissed.	Defends principled structures. Excess: Rigid adherence to form. May rigidly enforce rules or principles to reassert order; may criticize the “rule-breaker.” Deficit: Avoids challenging tradition. Refuses to defend themselves or their viewpoint, avoiding challenge even if their principles are ignored.	Acts on inner conviction. Excess: Reckless defiance of structure. May confront perceived disrespect head-on, disregarding group harmony to stand for personal truth. Deficit: Hesitates without moral clarity. Retreats from engagement or withholds perspective to protect authenticity, even if misunderstood.
Wit	Humor reinforces formal harmony. Excess: Stale, scripted humor. May use formal or biting wit to highlight breaches of decorum or mock informality. Deficit: Humor stifled by formality. Stays silent during light-hearted moments, making the environment stiff and cold.	Uses humor to earn rapport. Excess: Panders for applause. Uses clever humor to draw attention back to themselves or undercut a disrespectful party. Deficit: Avoids wit without praise. Avoids contributing humor unless others will laugh at it.	Humor defends principled norms. Excess: Dry delivery. Wields sarcasm or dry wit to reinforce tradition or spotlight “improper” behavior. Deficit: Humor withheld to avoid offense. Withholds playful engagement, keeping things “serious” to uphold standards.	Humor reveals authentic truths. Excess: Sarcasm cuts too deep. Responds with raw, honest, or even cutting humor that calls out the disrespect. Deficit: Wit withheld to avoid risk. Refuses to lighten up, fearing that humor may seem insincere.
Pride	Pride in upholding roles. Excess: Status vanity. Insists on being addressed by full title at all times, correcting others in public. Deficit: Self-worth tied to approval. Accepts diminished role, may avoid self-advocacy to maintain peace and downplay own contributions even when responsible for group success.	Pride in earned accomplishments. Excess: Vanity tied to praise. Boasts about successes or becomes defensive about their value, perhaps downplaying team effort or ignoring others’ input. Deficit: Doubts worth if unrecognized. Downplays contributions, internalizes disrespect, seeks validation.	Pride in principled duty. Excess: Arrogance about role’s importance. Dismisses newer staff’s contributions because they lack seniority; may remind others of their legacy or long-standing service to justify respect. Deficit: Underestimates unseen role. Fails to assert the value of their own established contributions; may let others take credit and underestimate their own impact to keep the peace.	Pride in authentic worth. Excess: Overidentifies with personal sense of integrity. Criticizes those who conform to group norms as “fake,” creating division; may assert their integrity or uniqueness, or accuse others of being inauthentic. Deficit: Hides worth without cause. Hides own achievements, thinking others won’t value its authenticity or disengages to avoid being misunderstood or dismissed.
Magnanimity	Generous with service to structures. Excess: Overextends loyalty. Volunteers others for tasks without their input, expecting universal agreement. Deficit: Gives for show. Offers help in public; ignores private needs; may withdraw support or refuse to participate in group tasks as a form of protest to perceived disrespect.	Generous for merit recognition. Excess: Over-gives for approval. Offers help only when supervisors are watching, overextending help in visible ways to earn approval, possibly neglecting own needs. Deficit: Withholds giving if unseen. Declines to help unless there’s a chance for recognition.	Gives out of duty. Excess: Rigid rules for giving. Refuses to help in new ways, insisting on “my way or nothing.” Deficit: Withdraws to protect form. Withdraws support when collaboration challenges a perceived routine or tradition.	Gives authentically. Excess: Giving tied to ego. Makes grand, visible gestures to highlight their own authentic generosity, possibly criticizing “fake” helpers. Deficit: Holds back fearing false perception. Holds back from offering help, worrying it won’t be seen as genuine.
Friendliness	Courteous within and across roles. Excess: Forced warmth. Greets only people with formal titles, ignoring support staff or students, displaying exaggerated politeness or formality to reinforce boundaries and roles. Deficit: Cold outside scripts. Ignores new team members, sticking only to established contacts.	Builds warmth for trust. Excess: Ingratiating. Compliments others insincerely to gain favor, manipulative. Deficit: Avoids warmth without reward. Avoids greeting or connecting, feeling unvalued unless acknowledged.	Friendly within bounds. Excess: Engaged only to protect tradition. Keeps new colleagues at arm’s length, citing "it's just how things are done here." Deficit: Too formal to connect. Is overly formal, never forming connections with team.	Genuinely friendly. Excess: Overly open, risks insincerity. Overshares or invades privacy, making others uncomfortable. Deficit: Resists connection fearing flattery. Shuns social interaction, appearing distant or uninterested.
Temperance	Exercises restraint within protocol. Excess: Self-denial for form’s sake. Criticizes others for not adhering to every rule, regardless of context. Deficit: Disregards moderation without rule. Indulges in exceptions for themselves, breaking protocols without explanation.	Shows balance for praise. Excess: Performative restraint. Only follows moderation when being observed, indulges when not, confusing team standards. Deficit: Overindulges without audience. Overindulges in meetings, eating, and/or speaking out of turn without a clear short-term gain in mind.	Temperate from principle. Excess: Rigid moderation. Refuses to adjust routines for group needs, stalling collaboration. Deficit: Abandons balance outside tradition. Fails to stick to agreed change to routines, disrupting group flow.	True self-moderation. Excess: Asceticism for image. Critiques others’ preferences as “inauthentic,” disregarding boundaries or context. Deficit: Overindulgence masked as authenticity. Overindulges personal interests in group settings, ignoring group needs.

It's important to note that each core virtue, when balanced and without vice, reflect behaviors that are largely reasonable regardless of quadrant because the quadrants do not define different forms of the virtue itself; rather, each quadrant reveals where individuals are most at risk of tipping into vice, either through excess or deficit, depending on their quadrant-lens and the relevant sensitivities to respect in a given context.

For example, while balanced courage looks the same across quadrants, an Honor-bound Conformist might tip into vice through blind obedience to authority (excess), whereas an Authenticity Steward might tip into reckless defiance of structure (excess) in pursuit of inner conviction.

These quadrants and the virtues that reflect them can help us understand how our beliefs about authority and self-worth shape patterns of virtue imbalance, while the ongoing pursuit of balanced virtue remains consistent across all orientations and across various contexts and situations. Recognizing this distinction encourages intentional reflection on how we practice respect and virtues in diverse situations.

Final Thought: Recognizing Patterns and Promoting Clarity

Respect in education is about the patterns of behaviors we model and the lenses we invite others to adopt in various contexts and situations. The true balance of virtues like courage, wit, pride, magnanimity, friendliness, and temperance is universal across all orientations; what differs is how different respect lenses can, in certain contexts, make particular risks of vice more likely. This is about helping ourselves and others reflect on how context and perspective together shape where virtues might drift off balance and into vice.

• In contexts that evoke an Honor-bound Conformist lens, courage, pride, and temperance may be called on most strongly, and reflection may be needed to avoid slipping into rigidity or hollow deference.

  
  

• In contexts that evoke a Merit-seeking Contributor lens, magnanimity, wit, and pride may shine, while attentiveness is needed to avoid overdependence on external validation.

  
  

• In contexts that evoke a Principled Traditionalist lens, temperance, courage, and friendliness can guide moral clarity, while care is needed to stay open and flexible.

  
  

• In contexts that evoke an Authenticity Steward lens, wit, magnanimity, and courage may support the necessary integrity of this lens, with mindfulness toward avoiding recklessness or self-serving extremes.

  
  

By helping staff and students see these patterns as context-driven invitations for reflection rather than as labels for identity, we can promote clarity and intentional respect through behaviors that reflect balanced virtue across various contexts and situations.

Greg Mullen

July 7, 2025

General Consult

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